FAQs: The Skinny on this Fat and Sassy Primer

For Boomer Babes, asking questions is like breathing. We always need to know more, especially about our Boomer Buddies, who have been puzzling since time immemorial. And since Aging Human Males seem to be allergic to Q & A (preferring T & A), here are some answers from a trusted Precious Old Dame.

How will this Sassy Primer help me? 

With a hearty dose of piss and vinegar, this primer answers all your questions with sage advice and laugh-out-loud stories about surviving your Aging Human Partnership—all with wacky, heartfelt truths Grandma never told you.

Why should I read this Sassy Primer? 

Every AHFemale wants to be heard. This Primer hears you without a hearing aid.

Every AHFemale wants to be understood. This Primer understands you on the daily-chore-list level and on the deep love-and-appreciate-me-better level.

Every AHFemale needs a good laugh sometimes. Ahem, lots of times.

Every AHFemale needs a good cry sometimes. Not just once a month before the red tide that no longer arrives.

Every AHFemale is tired of mansplaining! What the world needs now is more womansplaining, a simple explanation from a simply marvelous woman simply telling it like it is. 

Every AHFemale needs positive support for her aging concerns. Ok, so that crow’s foot wasn’t there yesterday and today an entire flock of crow’s feet has alit on your face. Cry! Then cope! This is the youngest you will ever look for the rest of your life.

Every AHFemale needs this burning question answered: “Is this ‘normal’ AHMale behavior?” Or is “NORMAL” just a setting on the washing machine?

Every AHFemale requires female oxygen—life support in the form of her Precious Old Dames (PODs). Every woman has the inalienable right to have a POD to cry with over the stupid thing her AHMale said or her disastrous conversation with her daughter, or her anguish over her growing-old pains. A gaggle of women in the Pee POD Poise Parties described in this Sassy Primer is essential for every aging woman’s health.

Every AHFemale with an AHMale needs advice, tips, and unlimited access to appletinis. Call Sassy Primer 9-1-1. 

Every Aging Human Female knows that over the past decades, aging female roles, expectations and possibilities have changed at lightning speed. This Primer provides a blueprint for changing aging blues into rapturous rainbows and imprinting your new-you with a joyous stamp of your own. This Primer shines a light on an aging woman’s path to re-dreaming her dreams and outing her outrageous self.

How often should I read this Sassy Primer?

Ten out of ten female psychiatrists recommend one to four daily doses of this Primer to ease the effects of an AHFemale suffering from Acute Neurological Geriatric Enraged Response (ANGER) or from a serious case of Aging So Sucks (ASS) Rash. These doses will help an aging woman relieve pain and help her grow some big balls—oops, grow some big ovaries!

Should I read this Sassy Primer if I’m not in an Aging Human Relationship?

The Field Guy-ed and The Roadmap lessons in this Primer are primarily proposed for Aging Human Females in their Aging Human Partnerships. The Dame Digest and The Precious Old Dames’ Party Playbook lessons in this Primer are written to include all Precious Old Dames, whether flying solo or with a co-pilot, who are positively pumped to polish and perfect their own precious lives! 

Will I have to take a test after reading this Sassy Primer?

There are plenty of fun tests in this Primer! The Field Guy-ed starts with two tough quizzes: “Is He an Aging Human Male?” and “ Are You an Aging Human Female?” In The Roadmap, the “T and A Personality Diagnostic Assessment” scores who starts your fights (duh!) and then takes a steep incline down the road to the “Name that Tune” pop quiz, which tries to put the brakes on how controlling your man is. The Dame Digest provides fill-in-the-blank questions about your life, and there are, thankfully, no wrong answers! There are also wacky charades and pong games in The Precious Old Dames’ Party Playbook that will definitely challenge your ability to think while you drink!

But, no, there will not be a test at the end of this Primer. The test of life is quizzical enough!