Pandemic Partnerships: Ode To Toilet Paper

Volume: Too Loud
Issue: There are always issues
Date: Yes! Free anytime!
Real Date: January 29, 2021

"Be a badass with a good ass."— Rae Jean Beech

Ode To Toilet Paper

TRUTH: Patti and Patrick. Pandemic Partners Patti and Patrick had a bad fight. They made up the next morning. That afternoon Patrick said to Patti, “There is something special for you on the kitchen table.’” Patti walked to the kitchen, thinking, “How romantic! Could he have had flowers delivered? Did he add something chocolate to yesterday’s Instacart order?” When she got to the kitchen, at first Patti was a little disappointed, and then overjoyed...sitting on the kitchen table was a pack of 10 rolls of toilet paper!”

DARE: Ode to Toilet Paper—aka Lil’ TP: We Sit Tall to Honor You 

Lil’ TP, you dance cheek-to-cheek like no other.

Lil’ TP, you don’t let the a__holes get you down.

Lil’ TP, we can never get enough of you.

Lil’ TP, thank you for your patience when you have to deal with our shit.

Lil’ TP, we never know whether you roll up or down, but it’s okay to be moody.

Lil’ TP, pandemic time is your time to shine, no ifs, ands, or butts about it.

Lil’ TP, we hold you in our heart as well as in our hands.

Lil’ TP, thank you for being there for us when things go down the crapper.

Lil’ TP, you do do-do so well.

Lil’TP, you are always handy to have around.

Lil’ TP, you are always gentle and strong when we need gentle and strong.

Lil’ TP, you were always on our Lists of Needs, even before your new popularity.

Lil’ TP, you never fail us when we are wiped out.

Lil’TP, you are sturdy and strong and always get the job done.

Lil’ TP, you are always up on the latest poop.

Lil’ TP, you hang in there when things get tight.

Lil’ TP, you hang in there when things fall apart.

Lil’ TP, you don’t cringe at the sight of blood.

LIl’ TP, you are there in every john for every Thomasina, Dixie, and Harriet.

Lil’ TP, you don’t mind it when we are butt-ugly.

Lil’ TP, you are always a welcome addition to Our Throne.

Lil’ TP, you know that you can only be replaced by another just like you.

Lil’ TP, you can be a softy or a hardass, but you always get the job done.

Lil’ TP, you always work out and you are truly ripped.

Lil’ TP, you can be so Charmin.’

Lil’ TP, you are there for us when we are having a stinky day.

Lil’ TP, we love the way you roll.

Ahhh men, ahhhh women, we can do this ahhhh-ll together!

Sending healing and hugs,

Irene