Zounds! How to Lose the Covid-19 Extra 19 Pounds(and Other Weighty Issues)!
Volume: EEK! (sound coming from bathroom scale weighing)
Issue: Not another pound!?!
Date(s): Yes, figs, kale, kombucha & other healthy choices!?!?
Real Date: May 15, 2021
“Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract five pounds. I don’t think a woman’s boobs or brains should ever count against her.”—Anonymous
How to Lose the Covid-19 Extra 19 Pounds(and Other Weighty Issues)!
I am one of those people who loves reading those articles “EAT THIS, NOT THAT!” and loves perusing those pictures “Before CREMOLA Chin Hair Remover” and “After CREMOLA Chin Hair Remover” or “How to Turn that Drab Smelly Basement into a Lighthearted, Fun Smelly Family Room.”
Maybe it is the part of me that likes to see hope in every corner, nook, and cranny. I am My Own Little Pollyanna, especially when it comes to mucho matcha, crow’s feet, and rec room ruinations. But loving to read these DIY project articles is far more fun than actually engaging in the dread “D” (Doing!?) part of the DIY.
So here is my sassy contribution to those BEFORE and AFTER dove-like messages of dieting for a peaceful planet, making crow’s feet perch somewhere else and Febreezing™ and fabricating a new beautiful garage office.
These suggestions on “DON’T DO THIS!” and “DO DO THAT!” may help you pound away at that quarantine fifteen...and help with some of the other baggage that may have accumulated over the crazy covid confinement!
DON’T....get on the scale to weigh yourself every morning.
DO…put the scale in front of your refrigerator so that you have to step on it and see your current weight every time you reach for that fridge handle; if you stub your toe on the scale while opening the fridge, that may hopefully delay your binge eating for 20 minutes while you deal with a stubbed toe.
DON’T...focus on your chubby cheeks (that only your bubbe could love) when you look in the mirror.
DO...look in the mirror and totally focus on your smile. This will lift your spirits and provide a temporary eye lift as your smiling (ample?) cheeks push any eye bags out of sight.
DON’T...bemoan your muffin top when you look in the mirror.
DO...own that your heart has become so big and generous that it is pushing other body parts forward.
DON’T...disparage those sweat pant bulges.
DO...recognize that for the price you paid for those sweat pants on Amazon, what did you expect—a non-bulgy seam?! (and that bulge IS the seam!) Appreciate that your sweat pants remind you of your amazing good intentions at a distant point to exercise (even if you aren’t). The road to HEALTH is paved by good intentions (screw the actions).
DON’T...smoke (anything illegal).
DO...smoke turkey (and legal substances as they become available through government dispensaries or Words with Friends).
DON’T…be doubly vexed by all the isolation.
DO...get double vaxxed and celebrate with jubilation—outdoors, of course!
DON’T...stop wearing a mask.
DO...get the latest mask accessory: a tube connecting your mask directly to your flask.
DON’T....give in to a flurry of worry.
DO...exorcise anxiety with exercise.
DON’T....fret over all those untouched craft supplies.
DO...buy yourself a “Queen of Unfinished Projects” t-shirt to wear while you sweep all the glue, needles, yarn, popsicle sticks, scrapbook decals, and paint tubes under the craft room rug! If the rug is not a 10’x12’ then this causes a problem that your good will toward Good Will can resolve.
DON’T...continue haunting Amazon search engines for bargains for organizing your closets and your kitchen.
DO...machete your way through your Amazon Jungle of Buy-This-Unnecessary-Purchase and float those purchases down the Charity River.
DON’T…let that Introverted You stay with your nose in your iPad streaming “This is Us” while ignoring the Real-Life Us-es in your real life.
DO… Listen to Kermit the Frog telling us Hermits in a Fog, “It isn’t easy being green and it isn’t easy busting loose from quarantine, but it is time to do some (masked) jumping and hopping into the real world!” Bust a move with your Precious Old Dames by tapping those ruby reds together ‘cause you’re not in Kansas—or quarantine—anymore; ‘tis time to gather together safely, click elbows and flap those jaws!
DON’T...languish too long. Sulking in mud soothes and then the mud hardens and it’s a struggle to get out.
DO...wish real strong. Turn groaning into growing. Embrace those opportunities that arise...those are the prize, after a year that felt like a century and flew by in a nanosecond.
DON’T…go down the rabbit hole of holding on to the dislike of the covid-19 extra pounds in your body.
DO… respect that your body is your oldest friend. It was with you in the beginning and it will be with you til your last breath. Respect it’s strength and vitality. Thank your body. YOU MADE IT!
DON’T...go down the rabbit hole of holding on to the covid-19 extra pounds in spirit.
DO...Unjunk the funk and embrace your current space. Battle the rattle of your old fearful thoughts. You have survived everything that has ever happened to you. Savor yourself as your own sweet savior. YOU’VE GOT THIS!
GEN Z-ers use the word “dope” today just as we GEN-agers used the words “cool,” “hep,” “neat-o,” and “peachy keen” in our day. Here’s wishing that the above DON’Ts and DOs will help you with your post-quarantine-vaccine scene life-dieting plan:
“HOPE is DOPE!”
Ahhh men, ahhhh women, we can do this ahhhh-ll together!
Sending healing and hugs,
Irene