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The Pandemic Primer
“Wine glass half full, wine glass half empty...why not make it a full on whine experience.”—Rae Jean Beech
The Pandemic Primer provides additional chapters to the Care and Feeding of the Aging Human Male Species that womansplain how to be a Semi-Quarantine Queen while navigating the Post-Quarantine-Vaccine Scene with your Aging Human Male. (YIKES!) This newsletter, arriving in the middle of each month, provides a road map to ease your Pandemic Progress and your own sweet self—and provides something else to read for those times when you still feel like shutting yourself in the car in the garage with the radio blaring just for some precious alone time!
Here’s the latest….
and be sure to check out the archives below for more chuckles!
Holly Jolly Christmas Recipe
Volume: Loud HO! HO! HO!
Issue: Merry Christmas to all!
Date: December 23, 2022
“The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live” — George Carlin
Christmas Hell-a-Day Recipe
Prep time: 364 days
Cook time: 1 day
Expiration date: December 25th, midnight
Ingredients:
1 Family, optional: grandparents, not-so-grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, grandchildren, sisters, brothers, half-sisters and half-brothers, step-sisters and step-brothers, stepping on each others’ sisters and brothers, family dogs and cats, gerbils
1 Christmas tree, lit (like some of the relatives)
300 presents plus 4,000 sq. ft. of wrapping paper and 300 bows
1 Fruitcake—the dessert, not the uncle (fruitcake is optional, as one family fruitcake is one too many)
Too much eggnog
1 Heavy dose of Christmas spirit
1 Political fight
1 Blockbuster movie to pacify everyone after too much ham spiraled during the political fight
Dash of joyous expectations (dash refers to the size, not the dashing of joy!)
1 Shopping trip to the big box store that opens Christmas Day at 2pm to exchange gifts
Instructions:
Mix all ingredients together.
Lower the heat and lower the expectations. The lower the expectations, the greater the fun.
Spread a generous amount of joy over all.
Rest for 364 days. Repeat the above recipe.
Eat, drink, and be merry as you cherish family and friends this holiday season,
Irene
Pandemic Primer Archive
